The first of January rolls around again, and I am quite happy to say that I am glad to see the back of 2013, it was a bad year for me. A really bad year.

Here’s a summary of the bad points.

Sexual assault, sexual harassment, failed examinations, doped up on meds as a result of prior trauma in my life rearing it’s ugly head, stuck in a relationship I can’t get out of, being in love with someone I know I can never be with, failing my exams, my partner loosing his job and me picking up the slack. All my savings being used to pay my other half’s short fall on bills. Transition has been delayed again, lymphodemia is getting worse, developed lipodemia as well. I started smoking due to all the stress, I have no privacy left any more, no personal space. Utterly neglected my spiritual side, don’t socialize with friends any more due to an overly possessive partner. My partner still treats me as a female not as the man I am supposed to me. Still refuses to address me by my chosen name or use male pronouns, way to exacerbate the self hatred the dysphoria already causes. Finally, my dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I think the latter is the worst as I look up to my dad, he’s my go to for all my problems near enough. He has weathered so many things and was a prime example of a stalwart cockney, and now that image has been shattered because of a stupid disease that’s leaving him as a shell of the man he used to be.

So what are the pluses?

I came out to some of my friends this year, one of my oldest and dearest friends told me ‘It’s about bloody time!’ so you can’t imagine how good that made me feel. Some of my other friends have started referring to me by my chosen name, again that’s something that does so much for one’s self confidence and sense of self worth. The ball has started rolling for full transition but as with all things NHS it’s going to take time, however it’s started. These are only small things but it’s these little things that build up to bigger things in the long run. The arsehole that assaulted me at work got fired, my old boss is now my boss again. He came back to be our manager once more, and hell work is so much more enjoyable with him at the helm. It’s almost like the good old days are back, we’re just missing a few people but work is a fun place to be again, not a place that fills me with dread when I wake up in the mornings. I hope that this coming year will be filled with more ups than downs.

The obligatory resolutions

1. Loose weight, if I don’t I’ll be dead by the time I’m 40.

2. Smoke less cigars – I’ll never be able to completely quit but I can decrease the number I smoke.

2. Drink less – yea an entire bottle of mead/wine in a night is not good for you.

4. Get further down the road to full transition.

5. Don’t neglect my spiritual/religous side.

6. Make time of me, no more spending hours trawling the web for lack of anything else to do.

Lets see how many of these I can keep this year.

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